A little ironic (warning...I am bummed...)

The funeral home called on Thursday to let us know that Breanna's death certificate was ready. Kind of ironic...Thursday was Breanna's 14th birthday. Birth and death.
It was a little surreal sitting there proofreading that darn piece of paper, the official cause of death, etc. It was hard not to break down, hard to just say thank-you, stand up and leave.
I stopped at the cemetery on the way home. Breanna's grave marker was already muddy, so I tried to dust it off as best as I could. I poked a Winnie-the-Pooh pinwheel into the dirt and choked down another sob.
Happy Birthday, BreBre.

Happy Easter!

Jesse

Kory

Estuardo

Marisol

Onnolee

Made me smile

Leave it to the Bubs...'Stuard the Fashion Plate...Notice the required shoulder drape...I dug these classics out of the archives. I needed to lighten the mood...

One foot in front of the other...

I haven't felt much like blogging for the past few weeks but I figured I'd better check in...
Breanna's funeral was perfect, as far as funerals go. She looked like a little angel. They fixed her hair up pretty and even painted her fingernails, and she was dressed in a pretty white dress that her sister Serena brought from Salt Lake. Many of our friends were able to come, including people from church, work and the kids' school, people who knew Breanna and people who came to help hold us up.
Serena and granddaughter Ava came down from Utah to spend several days with us.
Breanna lies in a section of the cemetery named the "Garden of Angels" where she is surrounded by other babies and children. I found this very comforting; it sounded like the perfect place for her to be.
I think I am doing okay, as well as can be expected. Life goes on, the babies keep us laughing, and the house keeps us busy cleaning and remodeling, but in the quiet moments I think of her, and I miss her laughter.

To lose a child...

We adopted Breanna Arielle almost ten years ago, a tiny 4-year-old girl with big blue eyes and a smile that would melt your heart. Breanna was born 12 weeks too soon and had severe cerebral palsy as well as epilepsy but had such a sweet spirit and a belly laugh that was contagious. Three years ago, Breanna had a reaction to a medication she was on that caused her to have a 109 degree fever and we almost lost her. That fever destroyed most of her brain cells and left her bedbound and unable to eat or play or crawl, three of the things she loved most. And she was unable to tolerate sitting in a wheelchair for more than a few minutes without being in severe pain, so she was unable to attend church. I think that hurt her the most, as she just loved being there listening to the music and feeling the spirit.
Breanna almost died 3 years ago but for some reason decided to hang around a little longer. My husband said that she wasn't finished doing the job she was sent here to do.
So many changes have happened in those 3 years in our family, and through it all, Breanna has lain in her bed just happy to be here with us, and was still able to laugh at whatever struck her funny---all the burps and sneezes and whenever I dropped something and said "Oh shoot" ...that contagious belly laugh would echo through the house.
Breanna went to be with Heavenly Father tonight. I hope she is running through the fields of heaven. I know she is laughing. We will miss you BreBre.

Happy 1st Birthday, Onnolee Kaya Briseyda Puderbaugh!!!